Procatalepsis (part one)
I learned a new word this week. More accurately, I learned that there's a fancy label for how I tend to present myself. I finished reading Rejection, a book whose back half becomes increasingly metafictional, going so far as to end on an imagined rejection letter from an imagined publishing house "passing" on the very much published book that is currently being read. The rejection letter even catches up to itself, acknowledging itself with a sideways glance as its being read. I finished the book on Tuesday then did a deep dive into podcast discussions about the book on Wednesday. In one of these, an interview with the author Tony Tulathimutte for the Weird Era podcast, he introduces this rhetorical device, procatalepsis, as what he was trying not to do with the ending to his book. But it's adjacent enough to what he did to be addressed.
Procatalepsis is what I used to loosely define as hyper self-awareness for lack of a more succinct term. In my case it usually manifests as a compulsion to apologize for myself early and often. Existing can be so embarrassing and I've put in an extraordinary amount of effort over the years to (hopefully) make it very easy for you to know that I know how ridiculous I am. It's exhausting. Tulathimutte posits that millennials are particularly susceptible to this because of a life clearly demarcated by a before/after period of internet omnipresence, social media especially. Since so many of us got really online as teenagers or early twenty-somethings, it makes a lot of sense. You're not only expected to explain/apologize for yourself to the IRL peer groups who will have you, now you have to globalize that shit. Thinking ahead about each presentation, no matter how mundane, imagining every possible way that you can come across as wrong, misguided, ignorant, selfish, etc. to cut every critic off at the pass can so easily become maladaptively self-soothing. Mental goalies always at the ready for 24/7 cruelty drills.
And that's only for the words expressed and positions taken. Add the layer of justifying what you look like and how you're dressed while presenting those positions... Honestly how does one ever manage to leave the house and interact with other human beings on any level? How do I justify sending this newsletter out week after week?
The example of "procatalepsis" sited on Wikipedia is so quaint:
"It is difficult to see how a pilot boat could be completely immune to capsizing or plunging, but pilot boat design criteria must meet the needs of the industry and pilotage authorities."
Sure! Why not? A better example would be the entirety of Bo Burnham's 2021 film Inside — in particular the looping reaction video segment that happens roughly halfway through. Another example would be me doing IFS therapy (Parts work) and repeatedly pausing any progress to make fun of myself... even as I've hit on something so bone deep and painful from my past that I've been reduced to the fetal position in front of my laptop screen.
I have more to say on this subject and why I think I might be extra inclined to this way of self-presentation (self-preservation?). At the very least I'm totally on par with my most procataleptically inclined millennial cohort. I'm eager(ish) to sit with the concept more this week, expand on it, and challenge my own reliance on it as a crutch.